I have often written about how life occurs in cycles. The older I grow the more evident it becomes. There are many factors that cause these cycles to continue to repeat throughout your life. The simple and most obvious is the fact that you live what you know. You work, play, focus, and avoid the things you know are good or bad for you. What you know is based upon your past experience, education, and events you have witnessed. Everything and everyone around you impacts your cycles. The majority of our life is solely dependant upon what cycles we consciously decide to repeat. Many times we find ourselves repeating cycles we simply because we did not learn from our past mistakes. Sometimes we find ourselves repeating cycles we didn’t realize were exactly where we were meant to be.
For me, these continuous cycles have become a lesson in adapting. I have lived most of my life with the personal goal of putting my full focus on something and doing the absolute best I can at whatever it is I’m doing. In essence it sounds like a good goal, but it comes with a huge amount of downfalls. It doesn’t leave much room for focusing on anything else. While all that focus is being placed on one aspect of my life, all the other aspects are neglected. The quality of my life becomes dependant upon the success of that one thing I’m focusing on rather than my life as a whole.
When I seriously started writing, my life revolved around that. I wanted nothing more than to become a successful writer that could earn a living doing what I love. In the process of writing four novels, with dreams of success and financial freedom for me and my family, my family and home fell victim to my neglect. It became more of an obsession than a means to better myself and my family’s life. I was forced into reevaluating my life as a whole this past year in ways I never dreamed I would have to face.
So now I find myself at the beginning of a repeating cycle. I am now working full time doing a job that I have long devalued. When my children were small I was forced into quitting my job because of the expense of daycare. This caused me to look down on the job I was doing because it couldn’t supply my family with the necessities it needed and we have struggled ever since in finding that balance in my working versus giving my family the quality of life it deserves. When I started writing, I thought I had finally found the solution to our problems. I could work at home and be productive, helping with supporting my family. Unfortunately, like my previous job, it wasn’t enough. Something had to change.
As I sit her now, I look at my life and realize that I need to learn to adapt in a way that allows me to focus on everything I love. I love my new job and it has helped my family’s finances tremendously. I love my family, but now my time is very limited because of my new job. I love writing, but it has now fallen into one of my lowest priorities. I can’t tell you how many times my mind fights the urge to go find a quiet corner somewhere to write down some nagging story idea that invades every quiet moment between all the other necessities biding for my time. It often feels like I’m standing in a hallway facing several closed doors and I have to decide which one to enter based upon what I feel is the most important. Once I walk through the door of choice, I have to leave the others closed.
I know it doesn’t have to be that way. There are people all over the world that are successful at being everything they need and want to be. If you know anything about successful writers than you know that most have other means to supplement their income. They are not known for their success based on one singular title. It is my goal now to learn how to incorporate all the dimensions of my life and find my own personal success and fulfillment. I don’t have to give up what I love to care for the ones I love. I simply need to learn how to adapt and incorporate the cycles that bring happiness to my life by removing the cycles of bad habits and unproductive thought processes.